In the day after Ethan’s passing, we learned that waiting would be our norm in the search for answers. To this day we still cannot say with certainty we know “why” our son passed away so suddenly. We know Ethan’s passing was swift and sudden… of no accident. After autopsy, the Coroners words… “he was healthy, no problems with his heart or any bodily system, even though we see evidence of cardiac arrest, we find no catalyst that should have led to this outcome”… were of no solace. Even the detective and funeral director gave us the grim expectation of waiting, 8 to 10 weeks they said it could take.

So, we waited. For what? We are at peace knowing it is God whom has chosen June 9th to be Ethan’s last day physically with us. Professionals however requested a toxicology report/investigation to provide clues or answers not discovered by autopsy. On Monday, August 22nd, 11 weeks since the last day, the Coroners office called to let us know the investigation was moving into a new phase. They have released his Certificate of Death with the cause listed as “Sudden Adult Death of Unknown Natural Cause”. But why the “new phase”? It seems the Coroner is still searching for answers. We are told they have applied for genetic testing. In their search for an answer, we have no say in what course of action is taken now. Ethan, at the age of 22, had no Will or set of instructions that we can point to. I am sure most young adults are in the same place. Just not something we ever dreamed of needing so soon.

So, again, we are left to wait… wait for yet another call. This time with no real indication of when it will come. Not that we will ever move on or be “alright” in this life without Ethan’s presence, these calls bring us back abruptly to the raw emotions of the reality. I have come to realize my worst fear of Ethan passing from an allergic reaction (of which he was so diligent to avoid) would have been so much easier than this unknown. An allergic reaction would have given us swift answers and an end to this waiting. However, that is the Lord’s will for us right now. To rest in the understanding that He alone knows. Psalm 139:14-16 tells me of how we are fearfully and wonderfully made. How all of the intricate details and days are planned and made perfect by our Creator, by our great God.

Therefore, today… 77 days since Ethan’s last most beautiful day, I find myself back at Purdue (and equally amazed at Gods number as I reflect). This time, to collect his remaining things (a laptop, a phone and checkbook) and this Certificate of Death finally released. It is peaceful being here, in the places Ethan loved and with people whom he loves even now that he is departed. Thank you Campus House friends, Dana, Ken and GiJey, for praying over me today. Thank you, David Craig, for taking time out of your schedule to sit and talk, catch up and attend to fellowship time. You all have given me strength for the days ahead as we continue to wait.

Until the next update, more to come out of the waiting I am sure…