The passage of time these last eleven months has been the most difficult part of the grief journey. Waking up to today marked passage into the last month in our year of “firsts” without Ethan present in this life. Honestly, May has always been Ethan’s month: My first Mothers Day, Purdue Grad (May 13th), Birthday (May 30th).
It is all so overwhelming and terrifying. Moment by moment, I often recite the one chapter that reminds me I am not alone…
“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
Psalm 23 (NIV Holy Bible)
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil, My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Loving you, son, and missing you even more profoundly than I did one minute, one day, one week, one month… 324 days ago. You are now always head of me. I rise every day with the knowledge that I am one day closer to the joy of meeting my Jesus face to face. I am squarely focused there. Only then will I see you again… praise the Lord!